How to Stay Steady When an Unexpected Bomb Gets Dropped at the Holiday Family Gathering

Equanimity Under Pressure

Read time: 5 min

Jump to Section:

• ➣ What You Can Control
• ➣ The Practice: Before You Go
• ➣ Respond, Redirect, Pass
• ➣ At Your Reset Spot
• ➣ After You Get Home

Holidays and family gatherings are abundant with joy, yet rife with struggles, and every event comes with the risk of conflict or confusion. One way that challenge appears is through an unexpected piece of news or a surprising comment that surfaces, and every head turns to see how you'll react.

What You Can Control

You can't control what gets said at the table, but you can control how you respond. Most of the damage at a family gathering happens in the first few seconds after the surprise, when you answer before you've made a conscious intention around how you want to respond.

This practice uses Nebraska Borealis and a short pause for the moments when someone else catches you off guard.

The Practice: Before You Go

Give yourself about ten minutes at home before you leave. Hold your Nebraska Borealis and write down the subjects you expect will surface, but which you choose not to discuss today. This list is for you, so be honest about it: your love life or the job you left, whatever usually turns into a tense moment.

Then write two or three redirect lines you can use when one of those subjects comes up, like "Let's save that for another day" or "I'll update you when I feel comfortable doing so." Pick a reset spot before you get there, somewhere you can step away to for a few minutes, like the porch, or the car if you drove.

When you've finished your list and redirect lines, roll on some Balance Blend and grab your Nebraska Borealis on the way out.

Respond, Redirect, Pass

Later, when something that's said lands wrong or too close to home, touch the stone in your pocket and pause for three beats before you say anything. Then choose one of three moves:

• ➣ Respond. The news needs an answer, and you're steady enough to give one. "That's a big decision. Can we talk about it after dinner?"
• ➣ Redirect. It's one of your off-limits subjects, or it isn't the time. Use one of your redirect lines.
• ➣ Let it pass. It doesn't need anything from you. Take a bite, pass the rolls, and let the moment move on.
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If none of these fit, excuse yourself and go to your reset spot.

At Your Reset Spot

Take out the Balance Blend roll-on, close your eyes and focus your attention on the scent and your breath. Use the minute to get grounded again, so you can go back in and enjoy the people you came to see.

After You Get Home

Set the stone out and clear it with smoke or sound. It's a softer mineral, so soaking isn't good for it. Write down anything you want to follow up on later so you don't spend the night replaying it.

Download Your Pocket Card

Keep this quick-reference practice close at hand with our printable pocket card companion.